Airport Screening Hysteria: TSA Agents Just Need to Profile More & Pat Down the Unpleasant People

Posted on December 21, 2010


About a month ago, perceptive observers of American culture would have noticed something strange: so-called conservatives, who would have spent the 9 years since 9-11 calling for the strictest TSA airport screening of passengers, were suddenly led along by Fox News and other “Tea Party” media (financed by the elites) into basically declaring that people shouldn’t be searched much at all before getting on airplanes.

I was in shock to see that so-called “conservatives” could be led along so easily into thinking the opposite of how they had normally been thinking. It was like in the book “1984” when Orwell wrote how easily it was for a Big Brother media to make people accept a political platform today that is the opposite of what they were accepting just a day or a week earlier.

What was worse: the media was hyping “conservatives” into opposing airport screening because of sexual prudery (social conservatism reeling its ugly head again), instead of serious libertarian principles.

Men were supposed to be OK with the possibility of dying in a midair explosion because of the sexual dignity of some beautiful young woman who should not be “felt up” by a TSA agent or because some insecure heterosexual male would start to wonder about his sexuality if he allowed a TSA agent to pat him down and accidentally “touch his junk”.

Were such people serious? I can think of 1000 civil rights violations a government can make that would be more serious than the actual need to pat people down for underwear bombs before getting on a flight. A great example would be the new law allowing men to lose their laptops (and possibly their freedom or reputations) if a picture of their 8 year old niece at the beach happens to be in there somewhere.

To be sure, it would have been valid to say that the TSA should be profiling more and searching certain demographics (like western white people) less.

It would be totally accurate to say that TSA agents should not be patting down the perfectly formed breasts and butts of young western women in tight jeans and halter tops, not out of any sense of prudish chivalry (normal men would want to do this themselves) but because such women are not suicide risks. Likewise, confident and unsuspicious American or Russian men with regular looking physiques in tight pants probably don’t need to be be patted down for underwear bombs either. Confident western or slavic men are low risks for committing suicide.

But using proper profiling techniques, anyone who could possibly adhere to the “Religion of Peace,” including anyone who looks like they aren’t going to get laid here on Earth, needs to either go through a scanner or get a serious pat-down. An overweight woman in a burkha, properly profiled, should expect a female TSA agent to check to see if her large misshapen breasts are real.

Male TSA agents need to be criticized for their propensity to want to pat down gorgeous young Caucasian women, not because of any social conservative “chivalry” but because such women would not really be a danger as suicide bombers. Male TSA agents need to be patting down the ugliest women…something they probably would not want to do. Of course, if its a gorgeous young Palestinian woman, TSA agents have every right to make sure those breasts are real (if there might be any serious doubt, it would be wrong if they were obviously real). Her parents probably voted for Hamas, so do you want to die for her dignity?

The whole hysteria about the TSA should have been that the male screeners were behaving too much like normal human men. This is dangerous because they mostly need to be sticking their hands in places where they don’t want to, not where they generally want to. A TSA screener shouldn’t look forward to going to work but will do so in the interest of a good paycheck and the safety of innocent human beings. He needs to be patting down the ugliest and worst smelling passengers. That’s the bottom line.

Finally, let’s think about this in terms of the election of 2012: despite all the Fox News hype urging the Tea Party to oppose airport screening (reversing the general post-9-11 view of “conservatives”), the vast majority of Americans were on the side of the “liberals” and “Obama” on that issue.

That might explain why Fox News and some fake “Tea Party” news sites have shut up about the issue recently. It was a dead-end.